“Focus on the little things,” they say.
“What brings you joy?” they suggest.

You nod and feel relieved. It feels like you just got permission to finish that bowl of ice cream. You know that these are good starting points: you’ve read similar advice in so many self-help books, you listened to so many podcasts that had the same “look there approach.”

Feel good – who doesn’t want to feel good? If we are really honest, all we want is to feel good. All the efforts we make are in the name of “feel-good, at least some day.”

But we can’t really tell what feel good should look like – we don’t spend time on getting specific. We don’t know what we are searching for, other that an abstract concept and an elusive feeling. So the search is more like a “pin the tail” game. Fun for a while, until it becomes exhausting.

“When did I last feel grateful- not perform gratitude, not write it in a journal- but feel it, raw and alive in my whole being?”

If you’re honest, the answer will most likely sting.

And if you’re not ready to explore that sting deeply, your mind has another route. The distraction loop. Suddenly you’re scrolling again, planning another work project, checking off another box on a well-curated self-care list. You reach for all the glittery stuff: the candles, the podcasts, the productivity tools, the fancy breakfasts that look like they came straight out of a influencer’s feed.

It all feels good. It looks good.

But it’s not the same as feeling whole. It’s not the same as simple yet deeply fulfilling joy. And It doesn’t last. Worse, you feel good and, at the same time, you feel the sour taste of longing for something else.

The Performance of Presence

Here’s the thing that I’ve seen over and over again, so often that I’m tempted to claim that it’s the truth: for many high-functioning, achievement-oriented people, presence becomes a performance. Gratitude becomes a checkbox. Mindfulness becomes another tool in the personal development toolbox. And we use these tools to avoid what’s actually screaming for our attention.

We chase peace just like we chase success: strategically, efficiently, and, ironically, through control.

But peace isn’t found in control. And neither is joy.

Which is why these simple, well-intended phrases – “focus on the little things,” “find what brings you joy” – can lead in the wrong direction. Not because they’re incorrect, but because they are incomplete. They don’t speak to the deeper layers. They don’t reach the part of us that has been avoiding truth in the name of comfort.

Glitter as Avoidance

You can be surrounded by things that are supposed to make you feel good and still feel empty, sad, and lonely. You can have the tools, the rituals, the gratitude journals, and still feel lost. Or numb. Because what you really need isn’t another soothing mantra, but to look directly at what you’ve been avoiding.

Maybe that’s fear of rejection. Maybe it’s feeling like you don’t deserve love. Maybe you’ve always seen yourself as “less than.” Maybe it’s the question: What if I built my entire life around proving something I didn’t need to prove?

You can fix any of these with affirmations. Or the next promotion. Or a fancy trip.

The Courage to Go Deeper

So, is this a direct attack on the little moments of joy? Or gratitude? Or any other little thing that might lighten your day? No. Those things matter and I honestly believe every little thing is worth noticing.

But they are not band-aids. They are not something you plaster over a fractured heart and expect to mend it. Because all you’d get is yet another disappointment.

And they are not “survival kits” – little things to cling on to weather a storm.

And it’s not about “trying to feel good” as much as it’s about starting to be honest.

Ask different questions. Listen. Explore.

What Happens When You Stop Numbing?

This kind of presence – real, unsanitized, unfiltered presence – doesn’t always look peaceful.
Sometimes it looks like everything’s shaking. Sometimes it looks like crying in your car.
Sometimes it looks like admitting, “I have no idea who I am beneath all this success.”

But the more you name the longing in your heart and you address the underlying causes, it begins to look like relief. Like a kind of wholeness you forgot was possible. Where there is no need to control every detail. There is no need to fill the silence with some kind of noise.

And from that place, the joy comes.
Real joy. Not curated. Not polished. Just yours. 

Because a healed heart doesn’t need a list of things to notice.

A healed heart simply knows how to spot the beauty in every moment. And knows how to bring joy wherever it goes.

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The Final Questions

So before you go looking for what brings you joy, ask yourself:

Where have I mistaken comfort for healing, and what would true healing look like?

What parts of myself have I labeled as “fine” just to keep from feeling what’s actually true?

What do I keep calling “peace” that is actually just the absence of risk?

Shared with Love,
Gabriela

I don’t pretend I KNOW. I write from my experience and from my heart hoping that what I share will be the support someone needs on their journey. I reserve the right to be wrong and change my mind as I grow in my own understanding.

Have questions? Please never hesitate to reach out at gabriela@experiencetruewealth.com

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